woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
