I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
