once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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