Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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