is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
