and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
