oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Two words: blizzard sex
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
