Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
