in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
