my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
