I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
