its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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