And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
