my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
