I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
