dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
