there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
