Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
it glows. i had to have it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
