they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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