We won't sleep together?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
