The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
