bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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