never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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