I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize