I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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