She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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