My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
