Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
