sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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