im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
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My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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