So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
