I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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