ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
