Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
