That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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