I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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