i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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