We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
