Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
