fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
