FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
