he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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