I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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