after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
