Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
