why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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