"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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