Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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