So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
