My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
