All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
