You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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