i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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