I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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