oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
