so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
