every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
