if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
