every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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