why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
