You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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