there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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