What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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