well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
