So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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