Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize